Seeking Help

How Moments of Despair Have Led Me to Appreciate Help

On December 4, 2019, I came dangerously close to ending my life. Staring blankly through the glass walls of the building I was in, I found myself lost in a void, contemplating what might have happened if the barrier between me and the ground three stories below had not been there.

This moment of despair followed a series of devastating events. On November 29, my house was robbed. Just days before, I had been told my eyesight was deteriorating and that drastic changes were needed to preserve it. Then, on December 1—World AIDS Day—the Lancet, East Africa's premier lab, delivered the crushing news that my HIV test had come back falsely positive (twice). To make matters worse, Digest Africa, the company to which I had dedicated three relentless years, was failing, and I had no Plan B.

In desperation, I reached out to Kenneth Legesi, my co-founder at Digest Africa, and asked if he knew a therapist in Kampala. I had always prided myself on my resilience and ability to handle pain, but that day, I was overwhelmed. Kenneth connected me with a therapist, and I remember waking up early the next morning to meet him, even before his office opened. I was losing control and needed help urgently.

Today, I am profoundly grateful for that call. Therapy has become a crucial part of my life. For over a year, I’ve seen a therapist monthly, regardless of how well things are going. It has become a proactive tool for maintaining my mental health.

That December 4th was the first time I actively sought help. As someone who had always relied on self-sufficiency, it was incredibly difficult to admit that I needed someone else to help me manage my mind. But now, therapy provides me with immense clarity.

My current therapist often asks why I still see her, and my answer is simple: she is the only person with whom I can speak openly, without fear of judgment or repercussions. In our sessions, I discuss my addictions, imperfections, and fears without reservation. With her, I confront my deepest anxieties without feeling scrutinized.

Nearly five years have passed since that day. My journey has included leaving Digest Africa, working at a startup that eventually closed, joining Iyinoluwa Aboyeji at Future Africa, and raising nearly $500,000 to build Steward—another venture that closed this year. Throughout this period, I've received both solicited and unsolicited help. However, I still feel I haven’t sought enough.

During the final stages of Steward's failure, I met with Iyinoluwa in Yaba. As we parted ways, he noted that I care deeply about other people's opinions. He was right. I have always been concerned about how others, especially those in positions of authority, perceive me. This concern has often made me hesitant to seek help from mentors and coaches, fearing I might take their feedback as instructions that I must follow.

In April this year, while on a trip to Western Uganda, I met Evelyn who suggested coaching after a deep conversation about my circumstances. At that point, I was in a phase of uncertainty, juggling the end of a company and financial survival. I initially resisted the idea of coaching, fearing it might be another form of authoritative advice I’d struggle to navigate.

Later, in June, at the Nambi community anniversary dinner in London, a friend named Gwera once again suggested coaching. I brushed it off, believing I could manage without traditional mentoring or coaching. This reluctance was partly due to my confusion about how to approach mentorship and coaching.

Reflecting on my life, I realized that in areas where I had been intentional about seeking help—like the gym and therapy—I had seen significant improvements. My gym trainer pushes me beyond my mental limits, while my therapist helps me explore difficult parts of my mind, providing clarity. This is also true for the communities I’m part of.

I asked myself if I was truly maximizing my potential, holding myself accountable, and having a clear sense of direction. The answer was no. I concluded that I needed a coach to drive accountability, help me push past my mental limits, and achieve clarity on my personal vision. I reached out to Gwera for an introduction to Ngozi, whom she had previously recommended.

I had an exploratory session with Ngozi last week and have since agreed to work together. I am now investing a significant portion of my paycheck in coaching because I believe it is essential for my growth. I am confident that this investment will yield a 100x return over the next decade.